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Thursday, September 17, 2009

bad day/week

Can I have redo please . . .anyone please.

My husband left. He is on deployment, but I can handle that. Been there done that. But my kids cry almost every day for him. Hurts that they miss so much. The nights are the worst them. I think it rally has to do with I always had Sam do the night routine it was their time, plus it gave me "me time". But I tell the kids all the time daddy is coming home. We have map and they kind of know where daddy is.

My dog Jessie. It all started the afternoon after Sam left. She threw up three times on my couch. I was worried but both of my dogs have thrown up before so I thought nothing of it. That night I went to put Gwenith and Gilbert to bed and there was throw up on Gwen's bed. Gwen claimed it was her that throw up but I knew other wise. I told myself if Jessie is still lethargic in the morning I will take her to a Vet. We did not have a vet here in Cali. I have always taken her/them home to Utah for their shots.

The next morning I put going to vet but by the afternoon I just knew I need get her to the vets right away. Instead of doing my research online and asking around I just took her to the closet vet around. That was a mistake. Dr. Luke was so uncaring. She treated me like crap. She barley touched Jessica. They ran a blood test said it was her pancreas. Her white blood cells were high and something else and he was dehydrated. I told them I could not afford to have them keep her overnight so they gave me her medication and IV for her. They told me it was going to be around 500 to 600. By the time I left it was 770.77!!!!

I took her home gave her her med. By the next day she was doing better, or so I thought. She was moving again. She eat just a little. And went outside and did her thing. But she was still not acting self. I was hoping she just needed a little more time to get better.

Then yesterday things turned for the worst he would not move. I checked her gums and they were pale, there was not pink at all. It scared the crap out of me. I called around looking for founding for her. But could not find a place. I called back the stupid vet but no luck. I went to another vet they told me she was sick, but I told them I really have the money for anything could they help. They told me they thought there was a vet on base that might help. I did not know of any. They address and a phone number I went looking for this address but could not find it. By that time in was 5 pm. I took my worn out puppy and my kids home. My one regret beside the first vet was that I did not look and call more for a place to help pay for the medical care for Jessie.

Jessie had not thrown up since Thursday but she started to again today.

Today first thing in the morning I went online found some numbers made some calls and by this afternoon I have found someone to help me!!! She told me never to go back to that vets again she is not a good one! She told me to take Jessie to Animal Medical Center that they were really good. I did what she told me. She paid for 300 of the service!!!!!! I gave the go ahead for the ultrasound and blood transfusion. This all took place at 3 by 5 I was told Jessie was bleeding in her abdomen and there was a mass on her liver and blood would not clot!

They said they could do surgery but it would be lot or money and she still might not make it. Because they did not know why her blood would not clot. It would be risky.

At 730 mu puppy was gone. I had her euthanize. I was there for her. I took her picture, I forgot to ask for them to take a picture of me holding her one last time. I held her and petted her while they gave her the meds. I told her I was sorry. And I loved her and she a very good girl and I thanked her. And then I notice she was gone, they were not even done giving her the meds.

She had pancreaitis, peritonitis and failure of the blood clot. They are a little confuse at why she went down hill so fast. There should have been more signs

I forgot to mention that Gilbert during all of this on Tuesday had diarrhea, which was not fun. Then that night/morning I heard him yelling mom, mommy. I went into his room and he had thrown up all over his bed. He had diarrhea Wednesday too.

Then today on the way home from dropping Jessie at the vets I notice it smelled in the car like poop I asked Gilbert if he pooped he said no, then I asked him if he farted he said no. When we got home I got him out of the car and checked him. He was clean. Then I took Gwen out of the car and she had poop all over her and the carseat.

When I got the call about Jessie I took the kids over to a friends I had her sit in her carseat without the cover.

I am so sad, Jessica was my baby. She was my baby before I had babies. She was only 5 years old!!

Jessica Rhiannon June 12, 2004 - Sept 17, 2009
She was so full of life. She was great dog, and I am not a dog fan. She was there for me. She knew when I was upset. She put up with all of Gwen and Gilbert crap towards her. She put up with Max. I loved that she would howl if called her to much. I loved how she had just the right a mount of energy. I loved how she always slept in until 11 most morning. She was a true princess. When she was hungry she would bring you her dog bowl and any object that could have food put in it.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

sneak peek . . .

These images are from when we had a family photo shot at the beach here in Cali. They were taken three days before Sam left on deployment.

This was the first time our family did a photo session not in studio and I loved it!!! We ended up having a lot of fun doing our photo session, we were so comfortable and relaxed, and so at ease for the pictures. Ginette, our photographer, was the best. She let us do whatever we wanted plus she add suggestion too, which helped tons. We were a little late showing up at the location, no surprise there, but Ginette was so nice about it. When it came down to taking pictures she got down on Gwen and Gilbert level and "played" with them. She even brought them candy.

Gwen warmed up to her right away. Gilbert took some time but still he had blast digging in the sand while he was getting his picture taken. It was hard to get him away from digging to take some family pictures in the water. Gwen on the other hand wanted to stay in the water. Oh speaking of water . . . oh my goodness the water was so nice and warm that day. I wish we would have been swimming/play in the water all day long.

I have always wanted to do a photo session outside, but just have never done it. I love seeing family picture taken in the great out doors. They are so more inviting. I was really excited for this shot and it turned out just the way I wanted it to. We had so much fun and we made memories that will last a life time.
The pictures I have on my blog are a sneak peek of what was taken. Ginette wanted Sam to be able to see some of them so she show these off on her blog.
I think the pictures have turned out wonderful and I can't wait to see the rest of them!

Thursday, September 10, 2009


Last night I notice Jessie, my doggy, was not acting right. Earlier in the she had thrown up and now that I was thinking about she was not acting herself earlier that day too. Anyways she threw up twice on my coach! I cleaned that up and really did not think much about it. Then when I was getting ready for my ombudsman dinner I was going to Jessie got a drink of water and threw up right away, right there it should have brought up a red flag but I was so caught up in me and being late that I just cleaned it up and left. When I got home and I finally relaxed I notice Jessie was not being herself and I knew right then something was wrong. In the past I have always ran to vet when ever I though something was wrong, and half the time I was right. But because we don't have a vet in the area I deiced to just wait until this morning to see if was still lethargic. She spent the whole night in one spot on my bed. I waited until 10am and finally said enough is enough and took her to a near by vet. They were able to see us right away. I loved the staff there but not really the veterinarian she was ok but I just did not feel she was that friendly. She diagnose Jessie with canine pancreatitis.

From what I read online:

Canine pancreatitis, is when the pancreas becomes inflamed and disrupts the normal functions of the organ. The digestive enzymes that are normally kept safely inside the pancreas are released too soon and they begin to digest the body itself. Most of the time, inflammation of the pancreas only affects the areas of the pancreas and the liver. Even if it does not progress, this is painful for the dog and can be life threatening.

They wanted to keep Jessica over night and treat her, but just could not afford that. They gave me the option to take her home and do the treatment there. So I oped for that. I have to give her an IV twice a day for two days. I have to give her a couple of shot in the next 24 hour and then she moves onto a pill form of the medication. They so gave (bought) me some food for Jessie to eat when she get her appetite back. Instead of it costing 1800.00 it so far cost me 700.00.

Jessie is my first baby. I have had her for five years and two months. She is such a good dog. It will hurt me to lose her. She is my baby, my princess and I know I complain about the dogs sometimes and how easy it would be with them but you know I love them and it really sad if I lose her.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


Well Sam left on deployment again yesterday. He should be gone about the same amount of time as last time. I am doing ok right now. I had my moments yesterday. So far, my whole 36 hours since he has been gone has been a lot harder then last time. I think it had a lot to do with last time I went to Utah (home) right after he left and I live there the whole time he was deployed. This time around I am here at our house without him and everything reminds me he is not coming home for awhile. Plus Gwen and Gilbert are a year older now and they very a ware that Daddy is not home and they can speak it this time a round. Yesterday was really hard on them. I/we tried to explain it to them a couple of days before. But it was no big deal to them then. Yesterday when Daddy went on his ship and Gilbert put it together he started to ball!! It was so sad. He kept yelling "Daddy come down", "Daddy come here", "I want my daddy". He was crying from that moment until ship started to pulled away. He was still crying when it was pulling out but as much. Gwen cryed a couple of times but nothing compare to Gilbert. She was more mad then anything. It was a tough day on both of them. I started to cry a little bit to when I ship pulled away. How I finally got Gilbert to stop crying is that I told him daddy is coming back! He will come home after Christmas. He is actually come home WAY after Christmas but it was the only thing I could think of at the time. But I think that helped that I told daddy wasn't leaving forever, that he was going to come home.

These are of Sam saying goodbye

When we got home is when I really lost it. Just being home without him and knowing he was coming though the door in a couple of day just did me in. What was cute was Gilbert was the one that came over and gave me hug and kisses on my checks, like I did for him. At one point he took my tissue and wiped away a tear I had missed. He made my day.

Gwenith and Gilbert both have mentioned daddy a handful of times today. They know he is on his ship. They tell me they missed him and I let them know I miss him too!

Those are Gwen and Gilbert "daddy bears". We got them when Sam deployed last year. Sam put a recording in the paw of each bears telling them that daddy loves and he will be home soon. This year we de-stuffed and washed them, then went we went to build-a-bear got re-stuffed and put another recording in the other paw of each bear, so now they both have two each. That way they can hear daddy's voice anytime they want

Gwen and Gilbert watch daddy's ship leave

Thursday, September 3, 2009


Today sams ship had a family day cruise that I at the last minute went on. It brought back so many memories from when I use to be enlisted. Do I miss it? Sometimes and some things about it. What I do miss is the people. Being on a ship is like high school all over again. Everyone is everyone's business. It is also like a college dorm. Being in the navy gives you 300 roommates! But do miss having your best friend around all the time. I miss visiting other countries.

I do not miss the high seas. And being stuck on 300 feet of gray ship.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

repeat after me

I will not cry! Now that Sam has return to work the reality of him soon leaving for deployment has set in. A couple time now while I have been cleaning I just wanted to cry. I have been there done that with deployments it is nothing new. But still it is sad knowing in under week he will be gone for half of a year. I am very happy that it is nothing like when Jeremy was deployed. 18 months is a very long time!

When Gwen and Gilbert woke up this morning they asked where is daddy. Gwen said she wanted him home with her. It was cute. We were very lucky that Sam was able to take 24 days of leave. We spent half of that time in Utah fixing our house up but it was time together.

ok let repeat this again I will not cry . . . yet!