Is it stupid of me . .

Is it stupid of me to miss my dog? I needed her this deployment. Yesterday when we went to pick up the new Tinkerbell movie, Gwen and Gilbert had an argument about where Jessie was. I can't remember what Gilbert said about where she was but Gwen said she was at the doctors because she is sick and we can't touch her. It broke my heart. Last Friday when we went to the post office to mail Sam a box, one of the vets offices that we went is next door to the post office, Gwen and Gilbert asked if we were going to go get Jessie now. I told then no she was not there. I keep telling them that Jessie is gone and she is not coming back, I always add, but Daddy is coming back.

I should be happy that we still have Max but he is not my dog. He is Sam's. He does not mind me. He is so not Jessie. I got Rhiannon (Jessie's baby, who is now 4 years old) back from my mom. She use to live with us but when we moved to Cali two years ago we could only have two dogs so we left her behind with my mom. But Rhiannon is not Jessie either.

If I use to call someones name more then once in a row she would start howling, like hey I am right love me. She use to play fetch. I could leave the door open and 90% of the time she would not take off. She use to bring her food bowl when she wanted some food. And most of the time if right after I feed her, but would not feed her more because she was on a diet.

I miss my dog

I miss my husband

I miss my mom

I wish my kids would mind me . . . and pick up their toys

I wish I had friends that would come over to house to visit

I wish the stuff that happened back in February, that I will not talk about, did not happen

I wish I had my twin here (30 years later and I am still wishing that, lol, now that I am laugh at myself I am going to end this and go to bed)

Way Back When-sday(s) - Halloween

Go to Twinfatuation for more Way Back When-sday

Twins' Age: 3 months

Twins' Age: 15 months

Twins' Age: 2 years old

New Header and Lies & Mortrin

First I want to give a big shout out to Hilary for updating my header for me!

While I was making dinner tonight Gwen and Gilbert were playing as usual. But they moved their playing upstairs. Which I did not think was a big deal because I though they were playing in their room like they have done in the past. So I put dinner in the over went up stairs to check on them and use the bathroom. As I was going up stairs they were on their way back down. I notice that they were playing in the water again. Which made upset at myself because I never hear the water running. I use the bathroom and as I was walking back down stairs I looked in the bathroom and notice that the Children Motrin (which was in the medicine cabinet) was empty and filled up with water. I called Gwen and Gilbert upstairs and asked very nicely if they drink it. I already know that it was Gilbert because he knows how to open those lids. Gwen told me she did not. Gilbert told me he did. Then I kind of got upset. I told them they do not drink any medicine unless I give it to them. I told Gwen to pick up their toys and go downstairs. I talked to Gilbert told him never to drink this stuff again unless I gave it to him. Then I told him to set on the stairs. I went down stairs called poison control told them that Gilbert just drink a half bottle of Motrin. The lady on the phone looked it up and told me he would be fine that he did not drink enough to cause him harm. I then called my mom to complain to her what Gilbert just did. As I was talking to her I notice that Gilbert is now in the front room. I told him to get back on the stairs. He said "don't make me cry again" It was so cute. But I still made him go sit back down on the stairs for another two minutes. I called him out and started to talk to him about how he should not drink medicine unless I gave it to him to drink. He then proceeds to tell that he did not drink it and that it was Gwen. I called Gwen into the room and asked her again. She told me "no Gilbert did". Right then I notice a grape smell. I asked Gilbert id I could smell him and it was coming from him. I then smelt Gwen and there was no smell on her. Told Gilbert I could smell it on him and don't lie to me. I asked him again did you drink the medication. Right then our dog Rhiannon walked in the room. Gilbert points to her and said "Rhiannon did it". I had the hardest time keeping a straight face. I told him not she did not do it. I decided to just let it drop.

I can't believe my kids are at the age they will/can/might lie to me. It was a sad moment when I realized this.

Also does anyone know how to keep a medicine cabinet shut/locked? Any ideas??

Way Back When-sday

I have not done one of these since February, when my life turned upside down, but since I am trying to get things back to how they were use to be lets do one!

Go to Twinfatuation for more Way Back When-sday

Date: Jan 18, 2007
Twins' Age: 7 months

Gwen and Gilbert are wearing doll clothes in this picture! I had two life size, "like real" dolls since before Gwenith and Gilbert birth. One day I deiced that I wanted to see if the clothes fit Gwen and Gilbert and they did! They only wore those clothes for this picture, but weren't they cute!

United Through Reading

United Through Reading is a quality-of-life program whereby deployed military personnel communicate with the children in their life through medium of reading stories aloud on DVD. Reading aloud with the children has been shown to be the single best predictor of a child’s future academic success. It also strengthens the bond between adult and child, and provides a bridge for communication and sharing, and enhances command climate.

It also extend the opportunity for military personnel to communicate with their spouse, and loved ones by recording a DVD with their personal message.

Sam did a reading/recording for Gwenith and Gilbert which they received in the mail on October 10th. They were so excited for two reasons 1) they got a box in the mail that was address to them. 2) Daddy was on TV!! They sat there and watch daddy read to them. Gilbert had a little trouble knowing when to turn the page but Gwen helped him along. She was really good about following daddy and turning the pages when it came time for daddy to read her a story. When Sam asked them a question they would quickly answer. It was cute!

That first night we had to watch daddy twice! The next day when Gilbert woke up he asked to watch daddy again on TV. I try to remember to daddy on TV everyday. Last week we had to take daddy to Wal mart with us, lol. It was so funny and cute. I should have taken a picture! The portable DVD player was in the seat section and Gwen and Gilbert were in the basket part watching it. We were strolling along down the aisle watching daddy. People would some time stop and look at us but I did not care. I think that was best behaved my kids have been in a store in a while.

I feel bad. I got caught up with watching them watch daddy I totally forgot to take pictures of them watching Gwen's book (the second book).

Sam called that night. I told him he better do another DVD because Gwen and Gilbert absolutely loved it!

Sam told me yesterday that he has and that it will be in the mail soon!!!

two peas in a pod

I went to Children's Place last week and I was going to buy Gwen and Gilbert Halloween PJs but saw these ans fell in love with them so I had to get them instead. They are so cute in them

Jessica

I got Jessica's ashes and paw print the other day. It was sad because I went to the vets office to get them and Gwen and Gilbert asked if we were picking up Jessie to take her home. I told them that Jessie had died and that she is up in heaven now. Gwen asked with Jesus? I told her yes.

Getting the box with ashes was bitter sweet. I was really glad to have Jessie back but it brought back all my emotion up again. I was really happy to see that there was a couple of her hair stuck in the paw print.

I stuck the box and her paw print in my hutch. Oh and I put her collar in the box to along her old dog tag that I found again a couple days after I got her ashes back.

bad day/week

Can I have redo please . . .anyone please.

My husband left. He is on deployment, but I can handle that. Been there done that. But my kids cry almost every day for him. Hurts that they miss so much. The nights are the worst them. I think it rally has to do with I always had Sam do the night routine it was their time, plus it gave me "me time". But I tell the kids all the time daddy is coming home. We have map and they kind of know where daddy is.

My dog Jessie. It all started the afternoon after Sam left. She threw up three times on my couch. I was worried but both of my dogs have thrown up before so I thought nothing of it. That night I went to put Gwenith and Gilbert to bed and there was throw up on Gwen's bed. Gwen claimed it was her that throw up but I knew other wise. I told myself if Jessie is still lethargic in the morning I will take her to a Vet. We did not have a vet here in Cali. I have always taken her/them home to Utah for their shots.

The next morning I put going to vet but by the afternoon I just knew I need get her to the vets right away. Instead of doing my research online and asking around I just took her to the closet vet around. That was a mistake. Dr. Luke was so uncaring. She treated me like crap. She barley touched Jessica. They ran a blood test said it was her pancreas. Her white blood cells were high and something else and he was dehydrated. I told them I could not afford to have them keep her overnight so they gave me her medication and IV for her. They told me it was going to be around 500 to 600. By the time I left it was 770.77!!!!

I took her home gave her her med. By the next day she was doing better, or so I thought. She was moving again. She eat just a little. And went outside and did her thing. But she was still not acting self. I was hoping she just needed a little more time to get better.

Then yesterday things turned for the worst he would not move. I checked her gums and they were pale, there was not pink at all. It scared the crap out of me. I called around looking for founding for her. But could not find a place. I called back the stupid vet but no luck. I went to another vet they told me she was sick, but I told them I really have the money for anything could they help. They told me they thought there was a vet on base that might help. I did not know of any. They address and a phone number I went looking for this address but could not find it. By that time in was 5 pm. I took my worn out puppy and my kids home. My one regret beside the first vet was that I did not look and call more for a place to help pay for the medical care for Jessie.

Jessie had not thrown up since Thursday but she started to again today.

Today first thing in the morning I went online found some numbers made some calls and by this afternoon I have found someone to help me!!! She told me never to go back to that vets again she is not a good one! She told me to take Jessie to Animal Medical Center that they were really good. I did what she told me. She paid for 300 of the service!!!!!! I gave the go ahead for the ultrasound and blood transfusion. This all took place at 3 by 5 I was told Jessie was bleeding in her abdomen and there was a mass on her liver and blood would not clot!

They said they could do surgery but it would be lot or money and she still might not make it. Because they did not know why her blood would not clot. It would be risky.

At 730 mu puppy was gone. I had her euthanize. I was there for her. I took her picture, I forgot to ask for them to take a picture of me holding her one last time. I held her and petted her while they gave her the meds. I told her I was sorry. And I loved her and she a very good girl and I thanked her. And then I notice she was gone, they were not even done giving her the meds.

She had pancreaitis, peritonitis and failure of the blood clot. They are a little confuse at why she went down hill so fast. There should have been more signs


I forgot to mention that Gilbert during all of this on Tuesday had diarrhea, which was not fun. Then that night/morning I heard him yelling mom, mommy. I went into his room and he had thrown up all over his bed. He had diarrhea Wednesday too.

Then today on the way home from dropping Jessie at the vets I notice it smelled in the car like poop I asked Gilbert if he pooped he said no, then I asked him if he farted he said no. When we got home I got him out of the car and checked him. He was clean. Then I took Gwen out of the car and she had poop all over her and the carseat.

When I got the call about Jessie I took the kids over to a friends I had her sit in her carseat without the cover.

I am so sad, Jessica was my baby. She was my baby before I had babies. She was only 5 years old!!

Jessica Rhiannon June 12, 2004 - Sept 17, 2009

She was so full of life. She was great dog, and I am not a dog fan. She was there for me. She knew when I was upset. She put up with all of Gwen and Gilbert crap towards her. She put up with Max. I loved that she would howl if called her to much. I loved how she had just the right a mount of energy. I loved how she always slept in until 11 most morning. She was a true princess. When she was hungry she would bring you her dog bowl and any object that could have food put in it.

sneak peek . . .

These images are from when we had a family photo shot at the beach here in Cali. They were taken three days before Sam left on deployment.

This was the first time our family did a photo session not in studio and I loved it!!! We ended up having a lot of fun doing our photo session, we were so comfortable and relaxed, and so at ease for the pictures. Ginette, our photographer, was the best. She let us do whatever we wanted plus she add suggestion too, which helped tons. We were a little late showing up at the location, no surprise there, but Ginette was so nice about it. When it came down to taking pictures she got down on Gwen and Gilbert level and "played" with them. She even brought them candy.

Gwen warmed up to her right away. Gilbert took some time but still he had blast digging in the sand while he was getting his picture taken. It was hard to get him away from digging to take some family pictures in the water. Gwen on the other hand wanted to stay in the water. Oh speaking of water . . . oh my goodness the water was so nice and warm that day. I wish we would have been swimming/play in the water all day long.

I have always wanted to do a photo session outside, but just have never done it. I love seeing family picture taken in the great out doors. They are so more inviting. I was really excited for this shot and it turned out just the way I wanted it to. We had so much fun and we made memories that will last a life time.

The pictures I have on my blog are a sneak peek of what was taken. Ginette wanted Sam to be able to see some of them so she show these off on her blog.

I think the pictures have turned out wonderful and I can't wait to see the rest of them!

Jessie

Last night I notice Jessie, my doggy, was not acting right. Earlier in the she had thrown up and now that I was thinking about she was not acting herself earlier that day too. Anyways she threw up twice on my coach! I cleaned that up and really did not think much about it. Then when I was getting ready for my ombudsman dinner I was going to Jessie got a drink of water and threw up right away, right there it should have brought up a red flag but I was so caught up in me and being late that I just cleaned it up and left. When I got home and I finally relaxed I notice Jessie was not being herself and I knew right then something was wrong. In the past I have always ran to vet when ever I though something was wrong, and half the time I was right. But because we don't have a vet in the area I deiced to just wait until this morning to see if was still lethargic. She spent the whole night in one spot on my bed. I waited until 10am and finally said enough is enough and took her to a near by vet. They were able to see us right away. I loved the staff there but not really the veterinarian she was ok but I just did not feel she was that friendly. She diagnose Jessie with canine pancreatitis.



From what I read online:

Canine pancreatitis, is when the pancreas becomes inflamed and disrupts the normal functions of the organ. The digestive enzymes that are normally kept safely inside the pancreas are released too soon and they begin to digest the body itself. Most of the time, inflammation of the pancreas only affects the areas of the pancreas and the liver. Even if it does not progress, this is painful for the dog and can be life threatening.



They wanted to keep Jessica over night and treat her, but just could not afford that. They gave me the option to take her home and do the treatment there. So I oped for that. I have to give her an IV twice a day for two days. I have to give her a couple of shot in the next 24 hour and then she moves onto a pill form of the medication. They so gave (bought) me some food for Jessie to eat when she get her appetite back. Instead of it costing 1800.00 it so far cost me 700.00.



Jessie is my first baby. I have had her for five years and two months. She is such a good dog. It will hurt me to lose her. She is my baby, my princess and I know I complain about the dogs sometimes and how easy it would be with them but you know I love them and it really sad if I lose her.